I relate a bit to Jeffrey there... maybe i cant relate to him killing 17 men but yes with that. Anyway,Today I finished the stuff I wanted to finish. That makes me happy, makes me calm. Its windy outside and now im angry as fuck. People are all hypocrites. Cant stand them. Sometimes I think about what makes a person worth of living. I know that I am a bad person with bad attitudes towards other people BUT at least im not an hypocrite! It could be worse ya know. Hypocrisy is something I just cannot accept near me. YOU know WHat I hatE? How my grandfather (now he lives at my home) chews,in a loud way, its fucking disgusting.I have to turn the volume of the TV as up as I can so I can eat without feeling nauseous. He cant shut the fuck up neither. Talks a lot and make me want to vomit. But at least today I studied, (I am preparing my finals ) so now I wont feel guilty for not doing it. Thats what they do. They manage to sneak into your mind and make you feel guilty for not studying or not working or whatever. Now its inside my head and I am feeling it forever.
Hey kiddos. Ive had a headache ALL day long, prob because im stressed. Ive been thinking about college and my fucking finals and my grades, and living alone... Really, thats fucking scary and its all happening fast and soon. I dont want to talk about it or im going crazy again. I have very good news, my grandfather left so im sleeping in my room tonight, FINALLY. And i wont have to listen to him chewing as a stupid monkey anymore. My ex didnt text me today. Thats weird of him, im sure that the fucker is stopping himself from doing it. He is entretaining so at least when he dares to text me I feel ok with it. Sometimes he makes me MAD because he goes "do you want to go out with me? :D" HA, Pathetic. NO, i dont. He sees me as a god-like figure. I like that shit.
Today I read Jeffrey dahmer confession and transcripted interview pdfs thanks to someone who posted them in twitter. It was interesting and fun to read,I like all this new stuff related to his case. enough for today. Ill be watching you ;)
Alright hear me out, shit is HAPPENING. Anonymous said that if the police keeps attacking the protesters in America they will attack every server and computer they have. They exposed Trump as a pedophile too. Im HAPPy this is happening. Time for America to show their worth, to show that they are not fat fucks with no brain. I am happy this is happening, violence IS the answer, they need to make their voices high enough, Im so happy this is happening.I WISH i was there, with them. AAAAaaaaAAa THIS is exciting. I hope they get what they want. I am proud.
I took the MBTI personality test today. Turns out IM and INTJ, just like The unabomber and Eric Harris. The unabomber case is starting to feel important inside my head but I barely Know a thing about it, I should check it out. Lets take a moment just to think about all the stuff Anonymous are bringing up. They exposed Trump, they did that.And not only Trump, but a lot of famous people. What the fuck is happening and WHY arent they in jail already. I hate how the world has a lot of issues we are not even aware of.I hate to KNOW that nobody is going to do shit because everybody has something to hide. Fuck it you know, we all have shit to hide. Thats something we cant change. We are dirty and vile thats how we go. Hypocrites with a stupid smile in the face. I dont want to be like that and i wish i could keep myself far away from people like that. And they should be ashamed and they must rot and DIE. Just saw a stupid guy on twitter complaining about the accs that post gore. Dude shut the fuck up. Just because you are a sensitive little shit doesnt mean that it is wrong. Im TIRED of the word "trigger" seriously just shut the fuck up. "THAT fancam of a girl cutting TRIGGERS ME so bad" uggghhh really? does it? then log off and work on that shit with a therapist or something, but you cant ask someone to stop doing what they want just because YOU are triggered! really, no one cares.
Today a friend of mine sended me a link to a supposed phone call with an area 51 worker. In it, the mf said that aliens are attacking soon and stuff like that. I was feeling anxious about it, I mean I know we are NOT alone. Im just so busy thinking about our worlds shit I forget that we have company. Anyway, I researched about that call and its from a radio show from 1997. Its ok. But dUDE THINK ABOUT IT. Just for a second- I mean, isnt it sad that we are probably not meeting other species from other galaxies? They are out there... And then theres the "big filter" theory. Thats terrifying. Anyway tomorrow is going to be a long day so I gtta go but im...thinking about this for sure.
me?? sending feet pics to a guy with a foot fetish just beacuse? yeah thats exactly what i am doing,and? I mean what type of reality do I live in? I really do that type of shit and then I go shopping with mom. What the fuck dude. I know is kind of fucked up buT do i care?
Anyway I should be studying right now. Ten days and I have classes again, my finals are close and Im getting anxious again GAWD But whatever. Camping was fine, peaceful and relaxing. I want to learn german so bad, I want to finish this shit so I can be free and study it. I mean it sounds good, scary, its useful and it reminds me of him!! thats all I need to be motivated. My heads been hurting all day long and I dont know why. I feel bad now and I want to sleep. Maybe Im tired and thats all. Fuck this
I love myself. im sorry for people who cant get to know me. My personality is just superior. I know that because most of you are dull, boring, lame... But sometimes you surprise me, I expect little so... theres a lot of twisted people out there. I am not mad about that... just surprised, also, taking advantage of these people is pretty easy. When I was 15 I leanrt that horny people get stupid as fuck. Id be ashamed of being that easy.
I HATE my best friend hes fucking stupid he deserves to be fucking beated up. I HATE that I cant say what i think because THEN they get mad at me. BITCH IF ONLY ... GAWD i hate them all they... they are stupid assholes and i have to accept it. IF I DONT WANT TO GO, IM NOT GOING. AND ITS going to be oK ALRIGHT ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, you cant tell me what to do you insignificant piece of shit I USE YOU so i have to be careful with what I say. I dont want you to go because I NEED you need but NOT IN A CUTE WAY UgHgHgHG... I want cake.
I think I dont belong in the tcc tw anymore- Not because of me, but because they are all 14 year olds thinking they are smarter than everyone else just because they read Eric Harris journal. Like I get it, when i was that age I also thought that I was smart and that everything I did was mature. But now I see things with perspective and I know that those fucking kids know nothing. Their jokes are not funny most of the time,they think they are all aCaB and rip de system and fuck racists and homofobes but...they contradict themselves all the time. Im staying just because I like certain accounts that post facts, AND if im honest here, its also for the Ted Bundy stans. Crazy mf I love them.
AHHHH I renember when I still had time to do the things I enjoy like update this web or bEinG HaPPy... anyway my exams are next week so it should feel better then. Just found a weird website here, with a big history and lore. Like an alternative reality with a messed up backstory I dont know how to explain it, but its confusing.
im tired of this h.o.e of a world. Bastards.
Since I discovered that Till Lindemann did porn videos I am like the happiest woman in the world. Also, Got my first comment on my guestbook and im not wanting to sound clingy but it made my day.
I am furiously nervous, tense, anxious, almost fucking shaky. It makes me angry. Five exams that determine my validity as a student? I feel insulted. As if I didnt show that im tremendously valid thousands of times before! They should just kiss my ass. Cant wait to update this website a little, learn German and pass out. anyway! Been thinking about memories and how complex that concept is. I am sure that I renember stuff, but did I live it? Its difficult to explain and I am sleep deprived so maybe I should shut up and go drink some apple juice. Hell nah. Who drinks Apple Juice?
Sorry not sorry for uploading my fucking site like 1000 times, I have a lot of stuff to do I really want this to look DECENT.Like I have an idealized image in my head but its difficult to accomplish due to my Shitty coding skills you know?
Tests were ok, I mean... I was the one doing them so It was obviously going to be fine. It amazes me everytime I encounter a big group of people how fucking similiar they are. Like they are all the same person over and over. How BORING, how am I supposed to find interesting one of YOU, copies of everybody... ALSO, WHAT if someone I know in real life finds this blog? Well, they could tell by my journal entries that im me, but fiRST of all, I think that none of my friends knows about neocities, and if they do, I dont think I give a fuck.
im sick of not being able to sleep properly. Last night I had a dream where me and a group of people were discussing about killing a cow or not. I dont really know why or for what, but yeah
Life feels tiring nowadays. Went to the shittiest nightclub, got drunk and fucked my ex. Why do I have to like it? Then I went to my friends village for two days and that was kind of nice being honest. There are thunders outside and Im sunburnt. I want to finish that drawing I started a week ago, a child eating Eyeballs. Its raining! I wish I wasnt sleepy. A kid eating eyeballs...
I WANT A MOUSE I WANT A MOUSE I WANT A MOUSE I WANT A MOUSE I WANT A MOUSE. i wanna see if I can develop an emotional attachment, a "sentimental bond" towards it... Is it selfish? it would be my little experiment...ARGH i wish I could just try. Even if I cant get my emotions involved i would take care of it... but my father is not very happy with the idea. ahmmm I get tattooed tomorrow. YEah im nervous af... I hate people who make typos constantly, its shameful. (maybe i am one of them) Can Youngblud close his mouth for a sec? Dude he makes me nervous just close your fucking mouth you retard. I LOVE LINE BREAKERS, brrrrrr MY FATHER SAID YES TO THE MOUSE
What a wonderful day. Im tired as fuck but Im very happy. Tattoos arent that painful yall just pussies. I mean, it hurts, but its that kind of pain that turns you on. Meet my ex today, the self called Simp. Maybe its because im in a good mood today but lemme say he is very sweet and caring,.
To that certain person who sees my jounal entries at the speed of light everytime I update,Email me dude.
Todays been an awful day, went to get my mice but they were all females so i couldnt get one... I have to wait, And I HATE, I despise waiting.
But its good to see that people like my site, Im actually very happy with how its going and even though my standards are high, I think I am okay with how this looks. Being able to use background music made me super happy so thanks a lot YoRk.
Theres something that makes me very anxious, and its the fact that my college classes are going to be online most of the time next year. It changes everything... I hope I can still meet new people because im tired of the same old shit, but im sure that you already know that.
My best friend is unhappy in his relationship. Im kind of angry at him because he keeps saying that his gf is boring him lately, just because she doesnt want to have sex with him so often.Like theres nothing else to do with her. I understand that we are young and thats a important part in relationships but saying that kind of thing is just disrespectful, mean and fucking disgusting. For me, relationships are too complicated, but theres stuff thats very fucking easy; If you are not happy then leave her. And stop venting to me about how BAD its going because Im starting to stop giving a fuck.
Ive been pretty fucking mad all day long , gandfathers at home again. I hate it. I dont have a room anymore I just have to sTAY here doing nothing at the livingroom. Neo, my little mouse, Is staying here too and I dont like it, he was starting to bond with me and Im afraid that this environment change is going to affect that... My house is too small and I feel like I have no way out, no place to stay, to be alone... My best friend keeps telling me everyDAY that hes not happy with his gf.ItS TIRING. Dont be a crybaby I juts hate it-
Also, I found out that my ex smokes a lot, Joints and stuff. Him and His best friend do it all the time in their flat.I def cant stand that, coming from a family with multiple issues with drugs I feel disgusted. You cant even start to imagine how I feel when I Know about this kind of thing, especially coming from someone i Love or feel something for. Seeing you high is going to stop that, and I will start rejecting you. You may be thinking OMG ITS JUST A JOINT but Ive seen some shit, I want to stop being involved with that shit.
its fucking funny how people act while being in groups. I had this maybe idealized image of my father as a intelligent witty man, I thought he wasnt the typical man of his age. But a week ago we went to this dinner we had with some of his friends. Turns out they are stupid old people. Im saying that not because they are around 40s,but because they said things like "theres something wrong with trans people, Imagine if I said that i want yall to treat me as a black man now. Because I feel like it!" or "its ok to be trans but Its a bit too much to let them chose their gender while they are underage" OR "gay people are just dramatic. They are scared, as if everybody would want to beat them up" or "look, a doctor needs to know if you are a man of a woman, its too much to just erase gender like that"- WELL you know whats a bit too much? The fact that you are able to breathe near me.They were talking like they are better than me when i said that they were wrong. with superiority. Anyway, yeah, my fathers friends can be retarted, but the issue is that he was agreeing with them most of the time. its disgusting and gross. They made comments about one of them(a woman) being bisexual and then my father said "interesting ;)". Go fuck yourself. What a stupid man. They sexualise and accept a bisexual woman just because it turns them on, but they give a big NONO to trans and gay boys because that doesnt make their dicks hard. I left with the worst feeling ever: me seeing my fathers as someones else, as someone normal. As someone who wasnt who I thought. Since that night, I feel far away from him. I feel like I cant trust him, Because he said "its a bit too much" to trans rights. One of his friends said that "maybe its because im not trans so i cant understand it" and me and my mom both said that theres no need to be trans to want them to be respected. That whole night felt awful, but my mom helped me a lot, and we think the same, so we tried to make them understand that your genitals do NOT determinate your gender. They dont want to listen.
I am deleting this page. Yeah it makes me bored, not fun anymore. I feel like I cant learn anything else here. I am looking to do diferent stuff, I feel like redoing everything. Gonna make another page, because neocities doesnt allow you to have more than one if you dont pay. Or something like that. anyway I hope that theres people who enjoyed this content. Im doing fine though, little bit extressed, little bit upset, as always. But good. My Little mouse neo is perfectly fine, he sits in my head sometimes, its cute.
I kNOw. well. I am not deleting this page.....yet. I need to talk about family. I know Im a bit cold, I know I struggle to feel conection, but i see myself as a ver responsible person, I know when something is just not right. I feel this distance with some members of my family and its really sad to know that when I meet my cousin we are so far away emotionally that we just cant say a thing. ItS Sad that some of them cant text me. I understand that I never really got them the posibility to know me well, but I would have had appreciated the effort. But there was no effort at all.
Its also sad that I have to ignore when my best friend flirts with me. I love him so I try to just ignore it but hes making it fucking difficult.
Its also sad this feeling inside me when I get jelaous. Its sharp inside, like a flame. Its ugly. maybe am just sad
I cant believe youve done this to me
Oh my god. You re my best friend. Why? you are a lie. you are a fucking lie. I cant talk i cant make a move I cant ask you why you did that. Because if I do, everything is going to feel dirtier. If I just ignore it... its easier. But why. Did you know that I was awake? Its so dark and twisted. You are dark and twisted.The room was dark and twisted. I cant sleep with you anymore, I trusted you. Youre really messing with my head, making me feel crazy. This is serious. im scared , I feel anxious, im not even angry, im just sad, dissaponted, hurted. Why? ... oh my god.
Cuando quedamos y estuvimos hablando me demostraste que eres un cobarde, una persona debil. Estuve intentando que me confesaras lo que habias hecho, pero no dijiste nada. Un cobarde total. Pero entendi que yo decido sobre la situacion, no tengo por que tener miedo de ti, en el fondo eres mi mejor amigo, solo que ahora se de lo que serias capaz. Nunca conoces a alguien del todo, nunca conoces a nadie. Yo creia que entre tu y yo habia una amistad de verdad pero me he tenido que enterar de que no es asi. Mañana te veo, nunca se si sere capaz de hablarte como si nada, porque entre tu y yo hay algo , algo que crees que solo sabes tu, pero que yo tambien se. Es triste, pero siempre tuve razon. Fiarse de alguien es perder el tiempo, haberme fiado de ti ha sido perder mi tiempo.
oK, sO ignoring the fact that my best friend is a piece of shit, lets talk about TCC and Bill Ockham. He is uploading content to youtube about Columbine shooting case, and when i noticed it, I had to go on tcc twitter to see if everyone was feeling the way I feel about it. I mean, I feel excited, it reminds me of the days when I started reading about shooting cases and all this stuff and everything was new. Im about to start college so I cant start developing an obsession with it again, but Im Super into it.Learning about this kind of thing makes me happy and my guts comforted. In his latest video he talks about "his source" Who the fuck is his fucking source? Its mind blowing to think about it...
Kinda sad today, Low Energy. College is too much work. I mean I looooove what Im studying but I feel like its a little too much. Everytime they say "group project!" my heart skips a beat. Its awful. Feeling far away from everybody to the point of no return. By the way, I stayed at my ex´s flat last friday got drunk and while we were listeing to Joji´s new Album NECTAR I cried for five Hours not stop. Vaya puta mierda
heyyy. I sometimes feel like theres a flute player inside my head. College is going fine, I can get my work done. Lets say I love the stuff im learning, im just not used to work this much. Neo is great, I love him dearly, my phat! boy. My best friend is still a jerk. My dad left the house last monday, came over last Friday. My parents relationship feels like a stupid teen couple. They are arguing already again, I wonder if they know how much of a motivation they are for me not falling in love.
hEs nOt FrEd i aM
i find myself watching harry potter and ENJOYING it. weird huh. Its mainly because of the weasley twins, my fav characters. I used to hate these films, idk what im doing. do we even exist tho. I need someone to prove that im a real person and that the concept of "person" is real. Recently ive been hearing People talking about shifting realities? what the fuck, Im SUPER sceptical but it reminds me of how our brain... plays and plays and plays....... thank you for reading the stuff i write everytime i update mate, im talking about YOU ;)
mixed feelings. Im happy bc he doesnt talk to me anymore. Im angry because if someone has to be mad thats me. Hes mas because I hang up the phone. Like you are not my new toxic boyfriend stfu. He thinks hes so cute so handsome so perfect... but no, we are not all in love with you get over it. Fucking idiot I cant understand why I didnt kill you as soon as I felt your dick rubbing my ass while I was sleeping. I hate you so much I cant ignore it anymore. You are possesive. You are a kid.
hey! Im happy today. we are young cute and smart, arent we? I love the concept of me sharing my life with a few close friends, studying, leanring about the classics. I want to read the Illiad but I dont have time. I also have to do a TON of work but im very lazy hmm... OH, I hate when someone keeps cancelling plans. If you do not want to meet just fucking say it. Fucking spit it out its not difficult or anything you bitch. Anyway! Arent hyenas cute? I find them very cute. I love those pics with their cute nose blood stained! cute! And the sounds they make! I would shit my pants if i saw one in real life but ist it just amazing? Beauty is terror as they say in The Secret History. Im Bunny. Im literally Bunny Concoran. Nah but I really like Henry, he is a powerful character, you never really know if he is doing stuff motivated by his intelligence or by pure evil. Maybe its both! He is really serious, I like that. But Im not serious at all. Well, my ex says I am really cold, but he also says that Im the funniest and smartest person he has ever meet. I think he says that because he is in love with me. But he gets mad if I say that.
welly welly welly well. Today Im super excited because I found my fav site on neocities (https://superpredator.zone/) see, I uploaded my page just to include their link in a few places because Im really in love with their work. Apart from that, on January I have to do my first college test and Im a bit worried, I always am honestly. I value intelligence and grades so much, that I if I fail I am going to be really sad and my selfsteem would get fucked. Well, I said Im going to get sad but its just rage. I often mistake them.
christmas is almost here and I hate when stores starts selling xmas stuff like three months before, it kills the mood. But anyway, today im buying a little harness for my little Neo and I hope I can carry him around more, because I want to take him to the fields so he can experience grass once again. Am I making sense_?
iM also really glad because 10.000 times, someones eyes stepped on my site and thats really fun. I know its not like a BIG thing or anything but it means a lot for me personally. Good so im going to keep exoloring the SUPERPREDATOR page a bit more, it makes me drool. Hope everything goes alright and I hope every Hyena is having a nice day because they deserve it so much
"I really thought you would listen to it" oh did you? thats a shame. I told you that i wasnt ready for it and you said "its okay i understand" So why are you such a bitch in your phone notes? You are always crying. Always. I cant understand, if you did care you had to say it. Thats the plan, lets be a little bit more honest dude. I just cant. Cant understand.
I did my first college test today. It was ok. I would like to know why does it feel like a big humilliation if I fail. I cant understand why would I feel so dumb if I failed, it would be SO embarassing... BUT i think I will pass so its ok, I have to do four more tests and they are going to be fine too and I wont feel stupid because I will pass them and thats fucking all. I ordered a few days ago the kuromi eyeshadow palette and Im looking forward to recieve it. ALso Im watching again Death note and FUCK I love Light. Yeah so another important thing is that I told a friend of mine about how our ex-friend touched me in my sleep. Yeah I had to tell him, I felt it was the right thing to do and It felt great,,, but at the same time my guts felt like I did a bad thing. But I didnt, HE did the bad thing, not me. I hve to be smarter and try to understand that HE hurted me, that HE was the one who fucked things up. And if I decide to tell someone about what he did, its alright, and Im not doing anything wrong.
aaaah there you are. missed u
ohh what can I say. LOts of work, little free time. I wish I had time to update this more often but Collge is draining af!!! I am happy but currently im anxious bc im 19 yo and its stupid but I feel like im getting out of the comfort of being a teenager,,, im scared to be an adult and scared of when am i going to be too old for dressing like I do without looking pathetic. idk dude its just scary to age. i dont want to be ugly!!! hdsajdsh well bye bye i am on zoom call rn. I love my carreer. thanks for the visit. ALSO did you know that Bacchus by Michelangelo is a symbol of how renaissance art degraded the way Greek gods were portrayed in greco-latin art?
everything is going pretty well recently.Summer is here now and i get holidays this friday. Ive been relaxing and passing exams, watching one piece and hanging out with him. ALso I met a nice guy and we talk often. That makes me thing about cheating and how weird are the lines between cheating or not with online stuff. I mean im just friends with him, im not interested, but I admit I get happy when I see a message from him. Maybe the other "him" thinks of that as cheating, idk. Wont tell him or talk about it cause he has been such a toxic little shit with me. I know that was 2 years ago, but dude it still mess with me.
ALso, I would like to talk about my fucking father and his need to be stupid till death. I told him that my ex best friend tried to abuse me in my sleep ok? I told him. But dude he spits sexist comments all the time, and lughs at terms like "explicit consent", which I wish I could have had when my best friend tried to fucking rub his dick against me while I was SLEEPING. He also got mad at me when I told him that I prefered a non hetero flatmate. I think its pretty obvious, but he decided that Im just sexist for that??? Idk bro, I just feel safer. I hate him for saying all that. I wish he could understand, be a girl for a day... cause he doesnt even consider catcalling something bad. I feel sick
Anyway, everything else is going good, cant lie. As I said, I passed. In two months ill move on my own with two guys and I hope it goes well, im a little nervous, not bc of them, but the whole experience,.
I think im getting repetitive but really, my father issue is getting worse. He keeps saying stuff im not comfortable with, sexist and misogynistic comments that causes a big argument between my mom and him.Its normal, cause he is saying stuff that goes against our feminist view everyday.
apart from that, yesterday I blocked my ex best friend from everywhere. I mean, i had him on mute on tw and ig, but now i just straight up blocked him. He is getting close again to that toxic boy i dated 2 years ago (yeah every bf ive had has been toxic. Fr,plus he was a bad person who liked to take advantage of people when they had money.Spent my 20 euros in two days saying that he needed to eat while he was saving his own money... he lied to me and used me for sex) so yeah, what a pair, waisted my time my money and my mental health, heh. I dont feel safe with them having access to my social media anymore. Okay so I blocked him, and HALF AN HOUR LATER a friend of mine sent this screencap of a tweet of him saying "okay well, thank you". This may not seem like a big deal but for me it means that he knows my movements, that he is aware of everything, and that he keeps telling a false history about why I stopped talking to him.
Anyway. 10 days to move in with my friends, and 16 to start college again. Its going fast but slow, im okay with it. I hope i can disconect from everything, thats my fucking wish.
FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP HOW CAN U BE MY DAD U R DISGUSTING I HATE HOW YOU EXCUSE SEXIST STUFF, COMMENTS THAT MAKE WOMEN UNCOMFORTABLE OR DISGUSTING SITUATIONS JUST CAUSE U R THE SAME SHIT AS EVERY GUY IVE DATED UGH. I DONT NEED ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW I NEED YOU TO SHUT UP. WHY DOES MOM HAVE TO SHUT UP DAD??? CAUSE U DONT LIKE HEARING WHAT IS COMMON SENSE? u r just like every guy ever, fueling my hate like that. AND THEN u just TALK TO ME normally? I cant stand u. "Oh but they were just two guys talking about that girls boobs, not a big deal" DAD IVE BEEN THAT GIRL. ugh i really want to cry but I just know that is going to make u hate mom, yall will end up screaming again. WHy? why is your sexist view growing with me? i get older and u get disgusting... And this is just cause that film, that film called "HALL PASS" i hAatte it deeply. Disgusting content. Of course he loves it, full of misogyny and dirty scenes of white dudes being like thristy dogs. Cause u r one of them too.